I Picked up a Pencil

and i drew, which is not entirely uncommon, but on this occasion i finished what i started. 

it's the drawing of a man named Sahib. he would be the mascot of my hookah/hash bar were i ever to embark in such a noble enterprise. He's a soulful black man with bug-eye shades and a playful, timeless love for jazz, funk and dance. kind of like a God, or immortal figure that eludes time, demise and age in the pursuit of new beats and song. i thought of him while listening to Koop's "Soul For Sahib" and other such jazzy tunes.  

it's rare that i begin a drawing with the intent to finish it, because most of my pieces of art are sketches done in ink - studies, mostly, of pose and posture. but this was something i'd been thinking of for a long while, and i couldn't help but do my best to complete what had proven to be quite the captivating tangent of thought. the image was too clear in my mind for me to ignore, and looking back i'm very happy i followed through with it.  

it's nice, because i haven't finished a complete drawing in years, and was beginning to - not lose hope in my talent - but in my advancements of anatomy and posture through otherwise unshowable and very modest sketches, i had no solid reference points to any new heights my skill level had achieved. in other words, it had been so long since i had proven myself that i hardly knew my potential any longer. every time i looked at someone else's art i was filled with a mix of doubt and hope as to where i was at in relation to their skills and subtle concepts of portrayal.  

i was lost.  

i'm quite satisfied with what i achieved, but sadly, there is no way i can upload my picture of "Sultan" Sahib, as i lack any type of scanner.  

pity. you'll just have to take my word for it :(

JOBS

got a job at Brick Oven. today's my first day. 

i'm pretty excited, and can't wait to get some money so i can go back to Bellingham for a week and chill with friends, move out and help my roomies clean the place up a little before all our leases end. 

gonna be tight!

i've already got hella shit planned, haha. Rose is coming down from VA and we're pretty much going to smoke ourselves into oblivion. the last week i was in WA she took me on a baked walk around some of the best viewpoints in Seattle. she grew up there and knows all the best places, so we walked through all the city's parks and hills and just bowled each other out. totally great experience. ended up crashing at one of her friends' places on Lake Washington Blvd - excellent view by the way. we smoked at a park on the shore before we hit up her friends' house and had the most perfect view of the Bellevue skyline across the lake. 

so she's coming up, and i'm going to return the favor - show her all the coolest places in Bellingham. it's going to be totally great, and i can't wait to take in another night-time odyssey of the city. 

after that, i'll be back in Utah for the next few months saving money, and then i plan on maybe moving to Cali with Jared once he gets out of school. 

it's good to have goals, something to look forward to. 

i've actually really enjoyed my time in Utah. aside from the family drama, i'm really gaining an appreciation for the state. i love seeing the mountains here at night. they're just total black shapes in front of the stars, and i love the view from my mom's deck. we're in the foothills of this big, rocky mountain (you know the one, right? it's got... all those rocks in it :p) and we see the whole valley. 

it was never that way in Redmond, because the landscape is all hills. it's rare that you get such a pristine, absolute view of the city and lights like you do out here. 

Bellingham is different, because there's bill mcdonald hill. it pretty much overlooks the whole downtown area, harbor and bellingham bay. you can see into Canada over the mountains, and there's a great spot on campus where i used to sit and write at night. 

for the first few weeks and months that i lived there, it was so weird to wake up with such a foreign landscape around me. i've known Utah Valley and Redmond's horizon all my life, but waking up, looking out my door and seeing the mountains that carved out Sudden Valley and dipped into Fairhaven was so foreign. 

SIGH. 

i have to go now. i have a job interview at 2:00 with Bath and Body Works for their floorset shift. i hope i have time outside of Brick Oven's schedule to work it. 

peace!

Fuck Life

i just feel depressed. 

i have a lot of ideas and passions and my mind moves at a mile a minute. i get overexcited about things really easily and feel like i'm making a tool out of myself. at this point i stop and reassess things for a while and that's where i am right now. 

just a little mellow and glum and trying to realign myself with the real reasons i should be doing things. 

i get carried away. not gonna lie. 

i think too much. 

Strangest

in my time in bellingham, it wasn't often that i was 100 percent sober.

the weirdest thing about not being high is dreaming. after about a week in Utah, i woke up and thought i had barely been asleep, that i'd been out doing something during the night. in reality, it was my first dream in months that i'd remembered. 

it's still something else to me. i guess i forgot how mysterious life really is.