Latest

yesterday was payday. 

the day before that was my donation day where i got forty dollars, so for the first time in a very long time, i finally had some money to spend and just have fun with. 

i bought a new pipe from Avalon. 

i went to taco lobo downtown, because i love mexican food and i've always walked by it and wanted to go there. so i did. 

i had a really good time yesterday, i hung out with a friend for a while, smoked at the highest point in downtown bellingham - on top of a car garage. it was cool. i could see into the windows of all the office buildings around me and the view was great. 

i'm really pleased with my new pipe. it's a small little guy, only eight dollars. i don't know why, though, but smoking from it makes me think of Rose. 

i broke off with her in a really harsh way. i feel bad and am embarrassed at how i treated her. she was clingy, she was a little too much into me, but she was genuinely nice. we smoked a lot together. like, the entire beginning of my smoking career (i don't know what else to call it, haha) has her in it. that's a bond that i don't even know how to describe. 

i sit here and i look at my bong and pipe and all the smoking equipment i have and i realize it's all because of her. she got me started with smoking. all of my first experiences with smoking - which has now become a great hobby of mine - has her in it. 

anyways, just a thought. we'll see what happens. 

anyways, more about this pipe. 

it's totally cool. like, even if i'm not smoking i enjoy just sitting there with it in my mouth. it's kind of like your zippo, Taylor. you don't smoke, but you like just playing with it. 

anyways. it's small enough that i can take it anywhere i want. which means that if i'm ever on a long walk between places (i do that a lot) i can find a little alley, walk into a bit of woods and take a hit. kind of just add a little spice to my walk and experience more of the world in a different way :)

i am keeping productive, though. i'm honestly trying to write something worthwhile. and i'm trying to get to this BTC place that dad's been telling me about. we are now working together, and i plan on trying to become more honest with him. 

more on that:

i thought how tragic it is that i have a dad who loves me, not always in the ways that i recognize, but he loves me for sure. i have that kind of a father, he's alive and he's there for me. other people don't have that, and i know that if their dad were alive again - no matter how distant he was - they would try and salvage that as much as they could. 

so here i am, my dad is alive and well and i've been keeping him distanced. i have not been allowing our relationship to grow. i feel bad for that. not only because i'm not taking advantage of a great blessing, but because i'm depriving him of a good relationship with one of his sons. 

i messaged him talking about how i want to be more honest with him and work on our relationship and things have been going very well. we had a little heart to heart and when he comes up next - which he said he would sometime, he doesn't know when - we're going to talk and i plan on telling him everything, or as much as i can. 

anyways. i'm having a few friends over soon so i should probably be going now : )

Thoughts

My family all has a blog like this, and it's a cool way to catch up on people, so i figured i should keep one up too. 

I'm sitting here before work with a few minutes to spare, so here are some thoughts. 

i think marijuana should be legalized. there are a lot of misconceptions about marijuana. it's very harmless, it's not addictive and there are no deaths directly caused by its use - whereas alcohol and cigarettes are a completely different story. 

i love the effect it has on me. i can control myself very well on it, keep myself from freaking out (i've known very experienced smokers who can't even do this. i'm proud of myself) and i usually enter a very philosophical state of mind. 

i think everyone that knows me knows that i think a lot - probably too much - and that i desperately want to figure out the reason of life. i had a revelation or epiphane (i don't have time to figure out how to spell that right) about candles and human life. 

i won't get into it now, because i don't have time to, but the idea encourages me to keep on going, to use my time alive as positively and constructively as i can. 

anyways, Marijuana is a very happy substance. i don't think i can express how much i appreciate it. i have friends over and we turn out the lights, throw on some good music, light candles, burn incense and just lie around on my bed and floor and pass my new bong around : )

if you don't smoke i highly encourage the activity. i find it rewarding :)

but now i have to go.